It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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