Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
