seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
