Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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