I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
