True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
