chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize