Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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