worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
