She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
