so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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