Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
