If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
