listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
