Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
