a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
