this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
