How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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