You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
