at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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