After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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