Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
