I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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