I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
