margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
