I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
