he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
