You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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