I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
