i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
