If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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