"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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