whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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