Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize