I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
