I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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