Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
