They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
