I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
