if you like me you must not know who I am
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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