you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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