Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
