I cockslap morals
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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