Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
