I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
