I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
