my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
