Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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