Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
