I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
