Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
