The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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