My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
