walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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