The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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