I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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