Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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