when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
