Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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