Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
