Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
