So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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