He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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