The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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