I have demons in me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
